As you all know I thought about joining a gym, I then joined a gym and now I have to go to that gym at least four times a week so that I can make the most of my membership, so that I can lose the weight I want to, so that I can become fitter and healthier and be an example for not only my children but those who find my story on the internet. People who are far cleverer than me suggested that I explain why I want to go to the gym, not only to help it fix in my head, but also to give them reasons to tweet me and ask how my weight loss and gym adventure is going. So here it goes.
I want to lose ten stone
I am so overweight it isn't funny. You know those charts where they show you what your BMI is? I'm not even on the chart. I thought I hid it well, I thought that people looked at me and saw someone over weight but not morbidly obese but then I saw a woman in the supermarket who looked about my size. I asked my Mum if I was right, and told her to be honest she told me that the woman in the supermarket was about my size. She was a different shape to me, but she looked so bad. She looked like I did and I don't want to look like that any more.
I want a better body image
I saw a woman last night who picked up a size 12 bikini. She was buying it for herself, but when I had looked at her I hadn't thought of her as a size 12. My body image is so screwed that I thought she was a size 14 possibly even a 16. I have the opposite problem with me though. I look at me wearing a size 24 and think I'm a size 18. I need to adjust this and I think the only way I can do that is by changing my own body. I want to be a size 12.
I want to be able to run
I'm fed up of being out of breath walking up the stairs, I'm fed up of making excuses with my son that I don't want to chase him round the garden, or to the School, or around the park. I'm fed up of being on the sidelines. I used to run, I loved running long distance, but as I got more and more unfit I made up more and more excuses. I want to be the one that runs and enjoys it again.
I want to enjoy exercise
Right now give me the option of going for a walk or sitting on the sofa and I'll take the sofa. I don't want that to be my life, I want to think hmm shall I go for a run or shall I sit on the sofa and I want to choose the run. I want to be able to say to my family, lets go for a game of football up the park, I want to go for walks with them, go on bike rides and just be active together.
I want to be an example for my Children
I don't want Tops and BB to struggle with their weight. I want them to understand from an early age that exercise is important, that working towards a goal is important, that taking care of yourself is important. I don't want Tops or BB to look at me and think "Well, Mum's fat so it's hereditary. That's why I'm fat". I want them to look at me and know that I work at being in shape and that they do too.
I want a better sex life
This is a hard one to tell you all about. I love my husband so much, but I don't understand how he can find me attractive. I don't understand how he can want to have sex with someone who looks like this. I think if I feel better about myself that I might understand why he loves me and I think that then I might see the benefits in my sex life too.
I want another child
I'm not even sure if this is true to be honest, I'm not sure if my family is complete or not. I do know though that I'm getting older and getting older increases risks in pregnancy. I know that being older and being over weight increases those risks even more and just in case we aren't done I need to be healthy.
I want to be healthy
I'm at risk for so many things. Diabetes, heart disease to name just two. If I'm overweight I am increasing my chances of other risks. I'm not ready to die, my children, my husband, my family need me and at the moment I'm the only one who can make the changes I need to.
So there you go, straight off the top of my head the reasons I want you to tweet me, to facebook me, to text me (if you have my number), to tag me in posts asking me how I'm doing, to ask me to my face when you see me when I last exercised, when I'm next going to exercise, how much weight I've lost, what dress size I'm in. Anything you think that might encourage me to do this and to do it properly.
Please can you help me?