I promise I own more than one purple shirt, but if you were to judge my wardrobe based solely on these photos, you’d be forgiven for thinking otherwise.

These are snapshots taken on or around the same day each month. Glimpses into my life. My gym selfies have always been a way to show progress. Determination.

Today, when I looked back over the last seven months, I saw a story unfolding. 


   

In December, I was told there was a lesion in my Liver.

Tests, scans, a biopsy, more tests & scans...

Then in May, I was told I had cancer.

Since December, I’ve been trying to hold myself together while being scared, angry, sad, hopeful, happy & everything in between.

The diet I’m on is brutal, but oh so essential. It’s not just about the 800 calories. It's not even just about the cancer. Or what was taken from me.

It’s what came with it.

I’ve lost weight, yes.

I’ve also lost certainty.

Sleep.

Appetite.

I’ve lost the ability to plan anything beyond the middle of August.

   

But!

I’ve gained perspective.

I’ve gained strength I didn’t know I had.

And I’ve had it confirmed, again and again, that my community, my Tribe, my family, refuse to let me fall.

Fitness Tribe has been my constant. The one place I still feel like me, even when I’m wobbling, weepy, or apparently wearing the same purple shirt for the sixth time that week. (I swear I own more!)

To the Joggy Jog girls,

To Amy-Charlotte & Lisa,

To those who send messages before & after every appointment,

To those who join in with my "She's trying to kill us!" moans,

To Hannah, who lets me rant in her DM's,

To everyone who cheers me on,

To Laura AKA Fitness Tribe who shouts things like “YOU’RE DOING AMAZING” when I’m doing the slowest bunny hops known to man...

Thank you.

You’ve carried me when I didn’t know how to carry myself.

In nearly every photo here, I’m smiling. 

I smile because I’m still here.

I smile because I’m still fighting.

I smile because I’m surrounded by people who remind me every day that strength doesn’t always look like lifting heavy or running fast.

Sometimes it looks like showing up.

...Apparently always in a purple shirt!