An uphill battle that will never end

It's not that I don't want to lose weight.
It's not that I don't know that I need to lose weight.
It's not that I don't enjoy going to the gym, or going for a walk.

It isn't that it's too cold outside.
It isn't that it's raining or snowing.
It isn't because I am lazy.

It's because I'm disheartened.
It's because there is still so far to go.
It's because I'm not seeing the results as quickly as I would like.

It's an uphill battle that will never end.

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This isn't to go on Facebook

When you have a blog and your friends and family know about it, there is always a caveat when they tell you something.

"This isn't to go on Facebook or your blog, okay?".

Yeah, because that's what I do. I take your personal life and immediately tell the rest of the world. I'm that callous and immature that I'm going to use your personal life to make my status updates seem more... yeah, I don't know what your personal life is going to do for my status updates.

If I wanted to post real life on my Status updates then I'd post updates about my own life. Oh wait a minute, amongst all the chat about cheese and the other random things I post, I do post about my own life. Sure, I might not post anything as salacious as the news you just told me but that's because I understand what is personal and what isn't.

I understand what I have the right to share and what I don't.

And as for posting it on my blog. I don't know if you've read my blogs, but none of them are about *you*. They are about the things my family get up to, the films we watch, the walks we go on, the food we eat and the randomness that I call my inner thoughts.

Posting the car wreck that is your life story wouldn't do me or my blog any good. I might however take inspiration for the book I'm trying to write.

That's okay right? I mean you didn't tell me I couldn't write a book about it.


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The February Plan

All my plans for February got put on hold when I got ill.

I know it wasn't proper ill, and only a cold but I really didn't think sneezing at the gym and coughing up lumps of mucus was something other gym users would want me doing around them. I did try to carry on at home though and this is where I made my first big mistake. Instead of letting my body rest and heal itself I endangered myself by letting my body get so run down that every bug going let itself in to party in some part of my body.

For February I had three sinus infections, a chest cold, two head colds, an ear infection resulting in a burst ear drum and I pretty sure I got the flu too. All I wanted to do was sleep and throw up. I couldn't move because I hurt so much, because I was so dizzy and feeling so sick, keeping water down was an impossibility. And yet I stupidly struggled on. Until my body had enough and I was stuck in bed.

Thank goodness I have the worlds best husband though. He did the dishes, he did the washing, he cooked meals (even though I didn't want to eat), he kept the children amused and quiet and out of my hair, he brought me water and pain killers, changed the bed linen and went to work too.

During half term, Top Ender and Big Boy were brilliant about me being ill, they helped me fake being healthy and alive. when we had some visitors to show off the fantastic scents of Febreeze (it'll be on A Mother's Ramblings soon) they understood when I would tell them that I had to rest and helped me by getting drinks themselves instead of relying on me waiting on them hand and foot.

And now it's March and I'm feeling better (well better enough that I don't need to spend all day in bed) but I can't go to the gym. Exercising makes me really dizzy, and the pounding of my heart causes me the worst ear ache in my right eat. I want to go swimming, but with the burst ear drum it's a no no.

So March is going to be all about the walking.

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Family, Facebook and Death

I have a large extended family. There are Cousins and Aunts and Uncles and Second Cousins ten times removed and everything in between, most of them I know and can tell you stories about them. You know like that's Sarah, she once played on the beach with me in a green swimsuit. Or that's my cousins husbands mothers niece who I met at the wedding and she used to run marathons.

Thanks to modern technology I was able to keep up with most of them. I could read Facebook updates, see pictures of their family, celebrate new jobs, births of babies, marriages and in some cases divorces!

Today though this modern tech that I take for granted gave me bad news. I found out through Facebook that there had been a death. A death of a beautiful young woman, just on the cusp of adulthood. A death I wouldn't have found out about for many months, if at all, if my cousin, this beautiful young woman's father, hadn't posted an update on Facebook.

So what's my point? I'm honestly not sure.

I'm thankful that my cousin has a place to tell all his friends and family what is happening in his life, that we are able to support him through this horrid time. I'm thankful that I was able to speak with him and tell him how sorry I was and then was able to reach out to my friends and family and was able to get people to pray for him and his family.

I'm not thankful for the same thing though. I'm not expecting my cousin to be thinking of phoning extended family to tell them the news when he must be reeling from the news himself but it's not how you expect to find out about a death though is it? Reading a status update amongst updates from people talking about how they have run out of toilet roll or how they have new hair cuts or how they have decided that they will have a bar of chocolate this afternoon.

I don't know the solution to this (I have some ideas) but I knew I wanted to share. Do you think there is an answer to this or even what the question is?

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